I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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