90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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