I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
