he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
