lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
