She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
