I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
