Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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