We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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