Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
