like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
