Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
