I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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