The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
