Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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