apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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