Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
