So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
