The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Come share oat with me in your robe
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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