my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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