Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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