A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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