You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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