If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
