You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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