Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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