If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
