If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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