is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
