no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
