I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
