White coat. Heels.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
