she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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