I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
