he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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