it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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