we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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