I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
