yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i think i just lost a toe
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
