I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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