I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
