Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
