my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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