hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
