just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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