just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
