Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize