I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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