I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
