Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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