I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
