he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
