worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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