Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
