Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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