so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
