for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
