i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
