now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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