That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
