im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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