i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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