going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can I color on your dick again?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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