Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
