I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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