You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
