I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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