After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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