i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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